It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
