I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
