i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
