forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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