First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
