So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
