You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Text me some of your sweat
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