Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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