I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
