ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
