it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
