Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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