the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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