go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
