I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
