I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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