true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
