I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He passed out mid-signature
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
