Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
