Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
