somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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