btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
