there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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