Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
