The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
