Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
