My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
