I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
