i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
