So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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