i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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