Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
