Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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