I'm gonna have a badass scar
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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