I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
