I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
