I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
