I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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