1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
