god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
