9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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