True but thats because hes a fetus.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I checked into jail on foursquare
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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