i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
