I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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