I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
