After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
