New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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