Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
