Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
