We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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