i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
